He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
