this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I touched a dick in church today
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
