K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
