My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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