I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
