K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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