Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
