im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
