ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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