I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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