The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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