I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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