jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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