I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
