By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
