I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
