Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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