Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Say something about gay babies.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
