and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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