My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
