Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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