end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
