God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
