omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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