Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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