I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
