Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
