I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I stole a fireplace last night.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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