My room smells like vodka and shame
My balls are so social today.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
