So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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