living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
