Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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