cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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