I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
