you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
