Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
