Please, let me fuck your mom
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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