So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
