everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You are the jesus of drinking
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
