the condom got lost in my hair
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Randomize
