I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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