So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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