Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
