Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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