You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
