I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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