She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
