I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
