i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
