barbara walters just said penis...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
