can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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