Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
